Sleep

I've been thinking about sleep, since about 2 a.m. tonight, and sometimes before that hour on other nights, and sometimes as late as 4 a.m. The thoughts are all relatively the same, and that is what I want to change.

The old thoughts run along the lines of "I should be asleep. I won't be able to function tomorrow if I don't get sleep."

Since I have been thinking this for a couple of years now, the evidence seems to be in. I am able to function without 8 uninterrupted hours of sleep. Perhaps I should define function better, but I am able to drive machinery, enter data, and converse. Maybe I get a little punchy in the conversation. I might enter some wrong numbers or information. And I did recently scare my husband when I was driving...

I would be more clear about my definition of function if I could just get some sleep!

Which is really the sum of my complaint: without good rest, I seem to travel in a fog, just on the edge of experiences without being able to touch reality. Maybe insomnia is my protective mechanism for going through life's changes?

A year ago, or was it two?, I said I was sleep-depriving myself for a vision quest. All that happened, though, was my vision got worse with fatigue.

I remember an uncle and aunt out on the farm in Nebraska talking about being up since 5 a.m. and how they would just watch tv, smoke, and wait for the dawn. I thought they were talking about farm life. Now, I think maybe they were talking about sleep patterns as we age.

Since just about everyone I know near my age is talking about not sleeping, I will conclude that this is just the way things are for this time in life. What do I want to do with that information? Complain? Chill?

One help I have found, by accident, is a remedy from the health food store called "L-Ornithine." It says nothing on the bottle about sleep aid. It does, however, help me to sleep through the night. I ran out last night.

Life is giving me the lemon of sleeplessness. I think I'll make a lemonade of catching up on my reading.