A Little Slort of Sheep

Shawn has suggested that I'm on a vision quest with my sleep deprivation. I suspect that it has shallower roots, running somewhere along the streams of small business ownership and "being at that age."

Whatever the reason, I'm not getting a lot of sleep these days. As you read this, keep in mind that I'm not drunk as thinkle peep. I'm just a little slort of sheep.

Last night I was tired beyond description. I sacked out around nine, and woke up completely at midnight. Since there is no compromising with insomnia, I got out of bed and went to work at the shop. I completed one task I've been working on for two weeks; hopefully avoiding anything that required real logic. Then I came home and went back to bed just as the teens were waking.

I've started doing a little obsessive/compulsive routine at bedtime to increase my Z mojo. The voodoo I do worked pretty well for the first three nights, but now I forget to do it. I'm not obsessive enough about my compulsions, it would seem.

So, here's my next plan.

I'm going to set up the laptop on standby. If I can't get to sleep within the half hour of waking, I'm getting up and writing on my new story. It may be a Dali-esque mystery. I may read it and later wonder what the heck I'm writing about, but I'll get done the writing that I want to do and I won't sweat laying awake.

I think this plan will work, because of all my little routines, avoiding real work is the one I have most refined. When I was a child and couldn't sleep, I would think up just one little task that I told myself I must do before going to sleep (like "put lotion on my hands", or "put a ribbon on the bear"). I would drift off to sleep easily with the idea that by doing so I was avoiding work.

Clearly, I have work and sleep issues. As a kid, sleep meant danger. I am far along enough in my healing to be free of that, I think. As a kid, work meant kudos. Maybe I'm not over that one yet.

Or maybe I've gotten in the habit of worrying (as I suspect) and I'm letting that dominate my rest hours.

Maybe my next plan should be research on how not to worry?