well-being

Today was my day off... and I had a swath of open time that I set aside to try and do as little as possible. I did a fine job of it, for the most part. Sure, I slipped in a little creative putzing and random knitting. But I did not tackle any large projects or chores, or even start something useful other than supper. (I started knitting some socks for David, but they don't count as I'm not getting any hopes about their usefulness.)

At about 11 a.m., I was totally frustrated by my lack of internal creative freedom. I want to write a book, but I can't seem to find a character that I care about. I started to think that maybe I need a highball to let loose. And that's when I realized that what I was thinking is how writers get the rep. It was shocking to realize that by a small course adjustment in my steering, I could possibly set up a downward spiral that would take much more effort to correct than a slight nudge.

While not every decision in life has such steering potential (brand of toothpaste, wearing blue or brown...), most do have a trail-blazing effect. I was duly convicted by myself and sat down to knit to think about all this.

I haven't exercised intensely since my back surgery last autumn, having tried shortly after the surgery and ending up making things bad again. I wondered, is it time to steer in that direction? If I don't want to go down Heming Way, which way do I want to go?

So, I popped in a yoga workout video, found a portion called "fully modified" and found that I was able to do all that they asked of me. Tomorrow will tell me if I overdid it, since my back has a long latency period before it expresses itself. But my mind likes my choice, and the rest of my body feels the better for it.

I still haven't found my character, however. I may take the intoxicating idea of spirited disinhibition to heart and pretend for a while that I've had a toddy and so I can write anything. Because, with or without the drink, I can in fact write anything.