David and I talked last night about the Power of Now. I apologized to him for how hard things are right now for us, and he answered, "Things aren't hard right now." Since we were walking to the movies, knowing we'd head home to rest after that, I had to agree. My "right now" was including pretty much the last year. But right now, this moment, is manageable.
What was a year ago is gone. I'm still trying to think of the seventies as a long time ago, and the eighties were yesterday. Time isn't linear, it's a chunk. Either I look at the big chunk of My Life, which overall is about one of the grandest adventures ever, or the little chunk of right now which is downright lovely, or the middle chunk of these days.
The chunk of These Days is the tricky one. Just a few years from now, these will be the good ole days. Right now these are the hard years. Maybe the change in perspective is the result of the nature of the process of life.
Maybe, like any masterpiece trapped in marble, we are slowly released from more and more of not-us and become more ourselves. But we are also growing, not cold stone things. So maybe we're more like wood, green wood... like a bonsai. We are shaped and sculpted by the winds and moisture (or lack thereof), the location of our living and direction of our life whizzing past us.
Just an idea.
I know that I am feeling a greater capacity in me. I can hold opposite ideas without them chasing each other around in my head. I can do tasks that were very difficult for me a few years ago. (In a former marriage, changing the bed linens was a psychological Mount Everest; now it's a breeze.) I can be loved and hated by my children without needing to help them decide to love me. I can learn to spin yarn and let go of activities that no longer give me a charge.
Used to, I thought I had to do everything and do it well (perfectly.) Now I think I want to do what I want to do to the best of my ability and everything will fall into place.
I sure hope it all falls into place. And I'm sure that it all already has.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
being, becoming, and done been
Posted by mrs. tioli at 2:57 PM
Labels: the process of life
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2 comments:
Yeah, we're learning more and more that this now is all we really have. That was Jesus' message (and his brother Julio's as well): Don't worry about tomorrow...
I wonder how to deal with being irritated by things (the screw that i can't get positioned), nervous laughter...stupid people.
"I wonder how to deal with being irritated by things" ...ain't it the truth?! It would be easier for me if I would be able to let things slide right by, but they latch onto me like a cocklebur, and suddenly I'm down there in my muck.
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